Me UnDefined

“Good morning..!!”, I said to myself at 7 am when my alarm went off and woke me up.

“Crap, still a weekday? Am I still alive to relive another day of my shitty job?” I asked myself.

“Yes”, the devil-me smirked.

I got up with a few curses on my lips for some unknown people. After I brushed my teeth, I finally woke up. “Damn you, hurry up else I’ll miss my office bus.”

Finally, after half an hour of lousy actions I was ready and left my house.

I reached the office at 8:30 am and went straight to the Food Court to have breakfast. After skimming through the menu, some one spoke, “Same menu again. When can I get some good breakfast that I used to have when I was back home?”

Oh, it was again the devil-me doing the talking. I had my usual breakfast and then went to my cubicle.

When I switched on my machine, opened my mailbox, it was flooded with mails from my senior in Australia, who scolded me for my lack of commitment, lack of responsibility and for not being proactive.

“Damn it. Not again.”

I spent the next hour in the remedial steps. Then, thought of calling him and have a little project related chat. I picked up the receiver of my VOIP, and dialed his number.

“Stop it.!!!!” shouted some one at me. I looked around and it was the devil-me. And for the first time in a long time I listened to someone, obeyed and reacted immediately.

I disconnected the call even before it got connected. The next couple of hours were spent in fiddling with Putty, Eclipse, VPN Clients, Filezilla, WinSCP, the thing called production sever etc.

After sometime a reminder popped up on my screen. “Lunch?” it asked. (Yes, I have set up a reminder in my outlook for lunch, to occur everyday.)

“Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah”, I answered.

As I stepped out of my cubicle, my mobile rang. Unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Sir, this is XXXX from Citibank. Where should I meet you and collect your papers?” the caller answered.

Now, I smiled. Yesterday, I received a call for lifetime free credit card from Citibank. It was free for lifetime, consequently, I agreed to take one.

One advantage of being in this company (I am unaware about others) is that I get too many credit card offers, which usually are lifetime free and this has triggered an urge inside me to have all of them. I say yes to all and now have multiple credit cards, though I sparingly use them.

“Lunch delayed. Cost is credit card. Accepted”, buzzed somewhere inside me.

Since, I had to come out of the main premises to submit the papers; I decided to have lunch outside at a restaurant. I went to a nearby restaurant, which someone had suggested me and I had never had a chance to go.

“Today, it’s time to go there”.
I went to that anticipated restaurant and was delighted to see the menu. All north-Indian food. I was overjoyed. I ordered many things. (Yeah, I ordered, and not “we ordered”. I go for lunch alone, after being in a company of 1.2+ Lac employees.)

But all the joyous moments were short lived as when the waiter served the rice, there was “kari patta” (I don’t have any slightest idea what is it called in English language.) in it. Damn it. Mood spoiled. I haven’t been able to figure out, how does it make any sense to put “kari patta” in every thing. Any thing edible that can pass through the human throat.

I returned back after a late and long lunch and continued to bang my head on my PC and do my work.

After some time, I mail notification popped up with the subject “Party”. I opened the mail and it read there was a party as one of our colleagues was travelling to Australia the next day i.e. tomorrow on a project assignment.

“Lucky you”, I said to the mail. Next, was the treat time. Everybody gathered at the food court and started to place their orders. I chatted with my co-worker who is travelling tomorrow. She enlightened me about many things I never knew about my company.

After the party got over in about an hour, I returned back to my cubicle and saw that the communicator was flashing someone’s messages.

I opened it and it was another colleague from Australia and wanted to have a talk. I looked at the watch, “It is 10 PM there in Melbourne”, and still time to talk.

Anyhow, I called him and he was in his office even at 10 PM. We talked about my new project assignment and decided the plan of action. As soon as the call ended, I shut down my pc and ran. It was 6 PM IST for me, and I had attained my saturation limit of the day.

I came to the bus bay, sat in the bus and took out a book to read. I read a book everyday during the commutation. (I guess, this is one good and worthwhile thing that I do in the whole day.)

“The Tipping Point “, I took out the book, opened the bookmarked page, read a couple of lines and then heard someone saying, “You’re not getting your tipping point anytime soon.”

Oh, it was the devil-me talking again. I closed the book and put it back in the bag. Then, I took out the earphones and started the music player.

“Humko deewana kar gaye”. I listened to this song, and smiled. I thought about someone and smiled again.

I played the song five times in a row. After that, I got bored with this one and switched to next one, which was “aisa des hai mera ” from the movie Veer-Zaara. (Please no comments on my choice of songs. It’s my choice and I like it.)

Immediately then, the bus began to move out of the bus bay. I smiled again. I was leaving the office. I was happy. This is the happiest time of the day for me, like a cake with chocolate icing.

Then on top of that, it is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday. Thank God It’s Friday (TGIF). “Icing with a cherry topping.”

The happiest moment of the week. I listened to the same song all the way back home and kept smiling.

Hi all

After an extremely long gap of nearly 1 year, I am reappearing on my blog.
The day when I entered the gates of Infosys campus, Mysore on 6th December 2010, I lost all the touch from the social platform. Really missed my blogger, wordpress, facebook and orkut. I left the Mysore training campus on 1st May 2010, and got Bangalore as my posting. Since then, am stuck in Bangalore.
Yeah, I am sad at this. Really, missing my home, and North India like anything.
Anyways, I’m not going to grumble about life anymore. As it is, it is beautiful.
So, coming back to the track and talking about missing my social platforms, I discovered the InfyBlogs which were the only blogs accessible on the Infosys Intranet.
Here is the first post that I made there:

A start..!!

What do we need friends for? They are someone who know you better than any one else, at times even better than you, yourself. Friends are some one who might help you fight the strongest of the troubles and that too with an ease.

In the time of need, you can cry on their shoulders and will definitely feel better. They would always suggest you a solution out of your problems.

I too have a lot of friends, many good ones, many close ones, and heck a long lot, with whom I hang around and have a blast.
I am open to a few, those who know my real self and what exactly I am.

I have 4-5 very good friends who know me exactly how I am.
But, there is a boy, whom I consider a little special, (special among the best ones) with whom I have cried, laughed, enjoyed and shared every single problem of my life, however, big or small.

He has always been with me in all my ups and downs. He has always lent me a shoulder to put my head on and spill out everything.

When ever I am down, I call him, knowing that he will surely solve my problem. The time has separated us and there are distances between our locations on the earth, but that has never effected our closeness. Whenever, I have a crush for some one, I seek his advice; when ever he used to have, he seeked mine. (Now, the stud has his own special one. Lucky Chap..!! )

I remember when I used to spend hours at his place during our school days, discussing my problems. It was always me, who was in a problem.
I was always the misery bringer in our case and he was the one to help both of us to come out with a solution.

If, i could not study during exams, I called him to help me. He made me study.

If ever I was down, he uplifted me.

Today, we live in different cities and still, he helps me in every scene of my life.
Be it motivational, be it career, be it academic, be it sports, be it personal affairs.

Despite of all this, he still says, "Call me anytime. I'll come".

I know, I should thank you for all this, but I won't. Today is his birthday. I can't give him anything, as I am too small in front of his greatness. You're the best.

I have just tried to express myself a little for you. I'm lucky to have you as my friend. Thanks for always supporting me. Be with me always.

Happy Birthday Rohit.

After thinking and toppling my head a lot over the title that whether it should be A Rejection or The Rejection, I finally decided it to be The Rejection, as it was the first one so far with me. Read on.

2nd March ' 2008: I am at Devesh's room along with Rajesh.

"Hey, help me out. What should I do?", I asked both of them closing my Computer Networks textbook.
I remember that.

"Fuck Off..!! Do what ever you want to, except irritating me.", said Devesh.

"You Morons.. You help me out and tell me. Kya karoooon..??".

"Ok, wait. first let me complete my this last chapter and then we will talk about it.", replied Rajesh.

This was my recently acquired crush on a girl called Neha who was my junior in the college. And I was unsure as what should I do, in order to be with her, or simply her to be my girl friend. The next day, i.e. 3rd March we had our sessional exam of Computer Networks in the 6th semester.

I very well remember it.

Rajesh and I were staying for a day at Devesh's place to study together. I depended totally on them, as I have been a total sucker with my studies.

After 15 minutes, both of them closed their books and then we 3 sat face to face to discuss the hottest issue of the hour. My New Crush on a junior, Neha.

"Hmm.. Now tell me, what should I do. Man, I like her a lot."

"Then, it's simple. Go and propose her.", Devesh said calmly.

I envy that. I envy this mode of his. How he remains so calm n cool, when the person around him is so restless.

"See, I don't have enough balls to do that."

"Then, forget her. Forget that anything can happen.", came up Rajesh with his smart ideas.

"Nops, buddy. I am quite mad for her."

"Then you have to do this. Else how would you ever know that she would agree or not to be with you", both of them said in unison.

Then, we kept our books shut and both of them started to pump me for something that I had never done in my life. Propose a girl.

Whooohshhh..!!!

Immediately, I knew our paper was screwed the next day.



3rd March ' 2008:It was 11 am sharp and Devesh and Rajesh were standing with me at the academic block's gate where the 3rd year students were supposed to come out after their exam. I was sweating badly.
I remember the time, too.
Suddenly, the guard opened the door and students started to flush out of the gate. We spotted her.

She was in her red color suit, that had earlier made me fall for her.

I felt goosebumps down in my abdomen. Although, my stomach was absolutely empty, as I had been to the loo at least half a dozen times, since I had got up at Devesh's place. I could recall how his room-mates, Rajesh and he himself were cursing me badly to occupy the toilets and they all had to be on my mercy to save their dignity in front of each other by not shitting in their pants.

Rajesh said, "Go, and say."

"I looked for Devesh. He had disappeared in the crowd.
"Where has he gone?", I asked Rajesh.

"Fuck him. You go and just blur it all in front of her.", Rajesh motivated me.

I was thinking how could the absence of one out of the two morale boosters who had boosted me the whole night, might affect me.


I again felt like going to the loo. I said, "After the exam. We haven't studied anything the whole night and have our paper in half an hour."

"Shut up, you asshole, Go right now." he kicked me and went back.

I finally decided to go and spill the beans. I went up to her, feeling my absolutely empty and unstable stomach and the bumps in it.

"Listen, Neha, I have to talk to you.", i said to her appearing confident, though I was not up to my spirits.
But she got a little away from her circle of sahelis.

"Yes Sir??", she said.

The words fell in my ears and i could feel the music resonating near my ear drums. I could have died for such a lovely voice. Everything was perfect about her. A perfectly slender body, fair complexion, the perfect dressing in red suit, that I simply love. And the most important thing; the absence of western outfits. I looked into her eyes and as I was about to utter.. I was again lost in her face. She had such a sweet face with no artificial product put on them and still so pretty.




Saadgi me hi sundarta hai(Beauty lies in the simplicty), I said to myself.

"Yes, Sir??", she said again.

I opened my mouth to say the lines that Rajesh and Devesh have made me rehearse the whole of the previous night. But I couldn't recall even a single word. (Leave word, I had even forgotten the phonetics of the syllables those were supposed to be my punch lines.)

I immediately went in a fight with my brain to recall those words. But, after a long battle with my memory cells, I finally gave up and ended up saying, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Hell, what have I said. I immediately realized that this definitely was not an auspicious start to begin with and then, her lips parted and with an unexpected smile she asked "What???"

"Do you have a boy friend??", I repeated. Holy Mother of God, what am I asking?, echoed inside me.

"No..!!", she said bewildered and definitely surprised at the question put to her. Have I gone crazy? Why am I asking this? Moreover, was she even bound to answer me such a question?

Perfect. I said to myself and then I said, "I like you very much."

"Sorry Sir. This isn't possible."

Sir?? Call me darling, sweetheart. Call me darling. And then I realized that she had already called me Sir twice before I had even prompted a word about my stupid questionnaire.

But, immediately then, I sensed the meaning of the words that she had said. She had said, that she was least interested in my proposal.
Speak up Bastard. Speak up. Talk now, else forget that you would ever get her.

"Well, don't answer now. Take your time.", I told her, feeling my urge to go to the loo getting on my nerves. I immediately felt my sweat glands working on a high and droplets of sweat running down the forehead.



Saying this, I turned back and she was still staring at me. But, now that stare wasn't mesmerizing me. I was in a dilemma, whether I should have said all that to her or better if I had remained quiet.

I looked at my watch, it was still 15 minutes for the exam to start. I knew it was screwed and definitely all that I knew about networking was surely not going to be recalled. I felt my Physical Layers of the OSI to be misplaced. My mind was boggling between the Transport and the Network layers.

I realized that this was probably the last thing that I had wanted my day to start with.

I went to the canteen where Rajesh and Anshika were waiting and smiling at me. Anshika, (Rajesh's girlfriend) asked me, "What did she say?".

"How do you know??", I asked a question that perfectly displayed my stupidity realizing who else other than Mr. Rajesh. Immediately then, Devesh came from nowhere and joined us.

I didn't utter a word to them. I went to the counter and had 2 bottles of soft drinks and swallowed them one after the other down my throat. I don't remember the brand.

A few days back my maternal aunts and my mom decided to give a visit to my cousin's place in Lucknow. My cousin has a sweet daughter i.e. my niece. Her name is Anu. She is around 3 years of age. As is very customary, all the women started to play with the little girl.
While, they were seeing some family photographs and while encountering one of my pictures, my mom asked Anu, "Do you know who is this?"

"Arey, this is Arpit mama" , she replied.

Meanwhile, while my mom was thinking of applauding her correct answer, she immediately continued,

"Arey aapka Beta, itna bhi nahi jaanti".

I sit back on my chair in my cabin. I look around and see that currently I have no work to do. I look at my watch and realize that I'm free for a couple of hours, more.

I lean back and close my eyes and a similar face comes in front of my eyes. The more I try to forget her, the more she haunts me. Fine, I agree that I loved you with all my self and all my soul, but now since you have betrayed me and I want to hate you; why am I unable to do this.

I had committed to myself that I will try to forget her and remove from my memories. But, the more I try, the more goes in vain.
Recently, I came to know that after kicking my ass (due to her betrayal), she is happy and enjoying. She is living the life that she wanted, doing all the crap things that she had always wanted to and I always said a NO to it.

Why does it happen that the person whom we love the most, causes the most pain. I always wanted your good and advised you in a fashion that would save you from any harm. But, you considered my talks as crap. My possessiveness for you was my love and affection for you, but what have I got. A Simple Betrayal.

You always wanted space. Why? Just to do those stuffs that I asked you not to and even then, while you knew with every minute details why I asked you so.

Whose loss is it by the way?? Is it mine?? I have lost some one who made fun of my emotions and ditched me. And she has lost some one who cared for her and loved her passionately.

Nevertheless, you have taught me one damn thing. Never to trust a girl. I will always keep your lesson with me. I have cried and I now I don't feel like crying whenever your thoughts strike my mind. Rather, my heart aches and bleeds. It bleeds badly. Let it happen. It is preparing me for the longer run and be away from any crap like Love. You have taught me Love is bullshit.

29th August, 2009: You may wonder what is the speciality of making an entry with the topic as the date. But, those who are unfamiliar with this date, should feel pity on themselves of being unknown of the importance of the day.


This day is commonly known as the National Sports Day in India. Now, many people will think that what is so great about this day. And being the National Sports Day, there must be many sports and games being played all over the country in the schools, colleges etc.
But, almost all will be unknown of the fact the this day is the Birthday of the Wonderman of Hockey Major Dhyan Chand. He was born on 29th August 1905.


He was the legendary hockey player and played at the Cenral Forward of the Indian National Team. He is regarded as one of the greatest hockey players till date.
He was awarded Padma Bhushan in 1956 which is the third highest Civilian Honor in the country.

He was primarily known as Major Dhyan Singh but he was then awarded with a title of Chand (or MOON) by his coach, who was impressed by his extra ordinary skills with the Hockey Stick.


He won 3 Olympic Golds for India in 1928 Amsterdam, 1932 Los Angeles and 1936 Berlin.


After his mesmerizing performance at the Berlin Olympics, legend has it that after seeing him play , the then dictator of Germany, Adolf Hitler offered Dhyan Chand, a Major in the British Indian Army, German citizenship and a higher army post. But the true patriot, the prolific striker politely turned his offer down.


He was admired and feared by his opponents, who felt that the ball got stuck to his stick when he played. Many times during the play his stick was objected and was checked by the opponents and officials who suspected that it contained some illegal stuff that caused the ball to adher with the stick, but all in vain. They found nothing. It was the magic of Dhyan Chand, his extra ordinary skills with the piece of timber, that caused the ball to move as he desired, on the turf.


Residents of Vienna, Austria honoured him by setting up a statue of him with four hands and four sticks, depicting his control and mastery over the ball.
One of his famous statues stands at the National Stadium in New Delhi near the India Gate. The National Stadium was an honor to the legendary player who died finally in 1979.

29th July, 2009: I had joined the PSIT College in Kanpur as a Lecturer in Computer Science & Engineering Department. I was offered the subject of Operating Systems, which I accepted whole-heartedly and the class which I had to teach was MCA 2nd Year.

6th August, 2009: I entered the Lecture Hall of MCA 2nd year to deliver my first Lecture. I was a little bit nervous as I was about to face the people or rather teach the people who were elder to me in age and in the degree as well. After all, I am a mere graduate and they were pursuing post graduation.

I entered the Lecture Hall, with a tension in mind though the face portrayed the confidence and a cool attitude. I started off with my name and the name of the subject I was supposed to teach. Then, I asked each student to introduce himself/herself. After this student introduction was over, one of the guys sitting at the last bench asked my introduction.

Though, I had pre decided that I won’t tell about my year of passing, but, when insisted and exclusively asked, I had to tell them. As I uttered ”I have completed my B.Tech in 2009, this very year”, everyone in the class started to laugh. I am right now short of words to explain my reaction and mental state at that instant.

Still, I tried to look unaffected and carried on in a very serious tone ”Don’t laugh. It’s me who is your respective faculty, and if you keep laughing in my subject you will surely flunk, because the subject is damn conceptual and tricky.”
In response to this, the class became serious and remained attentive and looked studious (this is what I suppose) the rest of the lecture.

Later, I passed an attendance sheet, and one of the girls trying to act smart, the very first day, marked the proxy attendance of one of her friends. Again, being my first class, I tallied the names and she was caught plump. :O

Again, issuing a warning, I continued with the lecture and assuming the students to be studying Masters in Computer Applications, I started with my subject. Quickly, I discovered that most of the students were quite dumb. They were nomadic to the computer world, even though they were in their 2nd Year of the course.
So, I had to start from the very scratch of the topic, which I had not expected.

Very quickly, the allotted fifty minutes passed and my lecture got over.

This was the experience of my first lecture, which I delivered.

“I love you..!!”, that’s exactly what I told her while proposing to her an year ago. But, today I stand alone. I don’t have her with me to share my own and herself. I am devastated and totally shattered by her betrayal. Was it my mistake or was it her fault? I am not sure. But I am absolutely alone today. I loved her, and I still do. But she has left me. She betrayed me and now I am alone.
She said that she loved me no more.


My first encounter with Kiran was quite strange.


March 2008: I was in Lucknow for an IT company’s recruitment process. I was going to the venue college on my friend Rohit’s bike in the morning. I was cruising and suddenly at the entrance of the college, I bumped into a girl.
I gazed in horror as to what a start for the day it was. Certainly, that was the last thing I would have liked to encounter. But, the girl was okay. She was not hurt, but just a little touch of the mud guard on her dupatta.
“Sorry”, I uttered out of guilt.
“It’s okay”, she replied and walked away with a smirk.
I kept gazing at her. She was damn beautiful. One of the most beautiful girls in the city, at least. I stood there staring at the moving beauty. She wore a pink colored Salwar Suit, which blended extremely well with her fair complexion and her slender body.
I parked the bike in the stand and immediately ran in to search for that girl. I too got a friend of mine with me to accompany me for the task. We found her at the registration counter where I soon discovered that she was an Engineering student from Lucknow itself. She was a localite and was also in the same year as I was in. I peeped in the registration clerk’s register to discover her name. Kiran, it was.
Later, we i.e. my friend and me, planned as to how should I plant something to get to talk to her again.
After some planning, finally I got a chance to talk to her. After hanging around a little with her, I managed to get her mobile number and exchanged mine too.


August 2008: Till now, we had become quite close friends, and I had developed a liking for her, though I never did let her know. We shared almost all sorts of talks, be it personal, emotional and the usual ones related to studies too.
My trips to Lucknow from Kanpur became quite frequent. Bunking my college to visit her and meet her became a very regular task for me.
“Aajkal tu kuchh zaada hi Lucknow aane laga hai”, Rohit asked me, one day when I called him informing that I was again planning to visit him.


October 2008:I was once again at my friend Rohit’s place and was revealing him all the details of my recently acquired crush.
“Does she love me too?”, I asked him in doubt.
“Your description suggests me such, but better you ask her”, he quipped.
“What if she doesn’t feel so?”, I doubted.
“Atleast give it a try. If you never ask her, you wouldn’t ever come to know.”, he remarked.
After too much of encouragement from him, I decided to propose to her.
I was feeling balls in my stomach. I decided to meet her, but then dropped the idea. I instead decided to call her.
“Hullo”, she replied the call.
“Listen, I want to tell you something very important”, I said.
“Yeah, say. What is it?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.“
“Whattt..???”, I asked bewildered, being happy and shocked at the same time. I was overjoyed.


Back to July 2009 :I am alone. She said that she loves me no more. She betrayed me for some thing that cannot be mentioned here publically. But she said that she won’t forget me ever and bid me a BYE for ever for her crap preferences.
Now, I want to forget her. I want to remove from my thoughts and after trying a lot, still, I am unable to forget her. She makes me weep; I can see her in my dreams. But I am unable to forget her, though I desperately want her to be out of my thoughts (She is out of the life).
She did what was the only thing that I hated her to do and told her a thousand numbers of times, still after hell lot of promises she did it. And now I simply want to forget her.